feeling lonely in the centre of somebody else’s universe

Reader warning: Anything I say tonight cannot be used against me in a court of law. Or, tomorrow.

I will be better in the morning.
I know I will.
Sleep solves everything.
Except maybe the war in the Middle East.

Tonight I feel unloved, though I know that I indubitably am.

I will not recount details, for they are worthless, and of no interest to anybody (or, I don’t want to tell you); but have you ever experienced the feeling when someone really wants to do something that involves you, but it would hurt you to do it? You want to do it for them, because you love them, but it will most likely kill you ’round the edges of your heart.

And the worst is that they don’t understand the ramifications.
So you explain it to them.

They immediately retract their thoughts, their wants, their needs because they love you, and even though they don’t quite understand why it would hurt you, they don’t want to do that to you.

But you know that they still really want to do it. And if they do it in their head, in their heart, isn’t that almost as bad as them doing it in reality?

Listening to: Ani DiFranco – You’re Untouchable Face
Waiting for: The Boy to get home to have chats
Wishing: I was asleep
Wondering: If there is another way to get ‘closure’