i’m very slowly finding my own two feet.
independence isn’t an easy thing to attain. truly it isn’t. it’s like starting any other habit. you have to consciously force yourself to think a different way and deny yourself certain things, ignoring normal emotions.
*sigh*
i still don’t know where to go next year, who to be. brazil is looking more and more like the option i want to go with. mum doesn’t want me to go without somebody else, and cameron reckons that they’ll kill you for your wallet. but i don’t believe everything cameron says. i suppose it’s safer to go with someone. any volunteers?
cam has applied for a job with optus in melbourne. i didn’t apply (there were multiple positions) because luke & talia’s wedding, as well as marty’s weddings are all after the start date of the job. i NEED to be here for them. i really can’t go anywhere until after october.
i’m tired. things have been a bit hectic lately, a lot of things on my mind. it’s draining, really. i don’t have spare emotional energy for anybody at the moment. i need a lot of hugs. i’m not really getting them though.
on friday i’m off to the blue mountains with my sister liesse. it will be really nice to get away. i almost don’t want to go though. it’s pretty much going to be decision time for where i go with God in my life. and i don’t want to make that decision. it scares me so much.
i really just want to withdraw from life at the moment, wait til things blow over. or have somebody make my decisions for me. it would be so much easier. i want to live in a cupboard.
p.s. i apologise for the lack of capitals. i just can’t be bothered.
Listening to: chicane, the current track on my sleeping playlist
Eating/Drinking: nothing
Wearing: rainbow singlet, trackies
Mood: exhausted
Thinking: i should go to sleep
Wishing: that the skirt i’m renovating would just finish itself
Question of the Day: why don’t they make heat packs that stay at a constant heat all night?
